Elephants On Parade
by an-extraordinary-muse
Summary: "She had told him that wall was there, and he had promised that they would figure it out and that it wouldn't always be there; she had never said she wouldn't help him break it down". Kate finds a way to give back. Lots o'fluff.
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note: This idea came to me out of nowhere. I almost didn't write it, but it seriously would not leave me alone. It started as a one shot, but I soon found that I'd reached five thousand words and wasn't done. So I split it into two chapters, the second of which is very nearly done. Can I just say that I really love this one? It means a lot to me, and I hope that you all enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Please take a moment to let me know what you thought!_**

**_Disclaimer: Not mine. Just borrowing them for a little play date every now and then._**

**_Spoilers: None, although it is (loosely) set sometime in Season 4._**

* * *

><p>There was something almost therapeutic about the sight of a nearly blank canvas.<p>

Kate rolled her shoulders a few times, and already she could feel the tension draining away. She rocked back on her heels and wiggled her bare toes in the air before dropping her feet back down, relishing the scratchy smooth feel of the paper beneath her. This was exactly what she needed to forget about the trials of the week; this was exactly what she needed to decompress and get away from all of her problems for a little while. She needed this release; besides, the world with all of its terrors and injustices would still be there in a few hours. For now, she just wanted to focus on the waiting canvas.

She reached a hand under the thick plastic sheeting that rested protectively over her computer and checked to make sure it was still on the playlist she'd chosen before hitting play. The first strains of music billowed out of the speakers and swelled around the room, and for the first time that day Kate smiled.

She took up a handful of brightly colored darts, the fluorescent lighting bouncing off their metal tips in little prisms of light. She set her feet apart, poised the dart in her hand, and then tossed it in a wide arc at the wall across from her.

The bright blue balloon gave an audible pop as the dart pierced it, and a cascade of red paint tumbled down the white expanse of canvas. She tossed another dart and watched as it torpedoed a yellow balloon, this time releasing a fall of burnt orange paint.

Kate was grinning now, alone with her paints and her canvas and her music.

Lost in the world she had created for herself, she didn't have to think about the current disaster that was her life. She didn't have to think about her still frosty relationship with Lanie, or the eggshells she felt like she was always walking on around Castle. She didn't have to think about the fact that there was still someone out there who had tried to kill her, or that Castle had tried to save her from that bullet. She didn't have to think about Roy's duplicity or his death; she didn't have to think about her lie to Castle, or the heartbroken way he'd pleaded with her to stay with him.

In here, none of that mattered. In here, she was free to just let go of reality – even if only for a little while. So she lost herself in the act of throwing darts at the brightly colored balloons on the wall across from her, enjoying the way the paint fell in rivulets down the quickly filling canvas. Every few minutes she'd walk over to the wall and retrieve her darts, relishing the feel of the paint squishing between her toes as she padded back and forth. She was careful to vary her path there and back, deviating as much and as often as she could; she even walked in circles once or twice, just to change it up.

By the time the last balloon was speared, Kate was feeling lighter at heart than she had in days. The smile had not left her face, and when she raised a hand to brush a few stray strands of hair out of her eyes she could feel from the warmth in her face that she was flushed. Still barefoot, she traipsed down the hall and into the bathroom to run her darts under warm water, washing away the remnants of paint that would otherwise stay hidden in the folds of the little plastic fins.

Clean up took a little less than an hour; just shy of four thirty found her standing in the middle of a once again clean room, all traces of paint and balloons completely wiped away. Against the wall, taught and drying in their plain wooden frames, Kate now had two new paintings to add to her collection.

Satisfied that everything was once again neat and orderly, Kate closed her laptop and fished her cell phone out of her jacket pocket to turn it on. Back to the bathroom she went, cell phone still in hand, so that she could wash away the paint that still clung to the bottoms of her feet.

She was sitting on the edge of the tub, scrubbing away at her feet with a bar of soap when the sharp trilling of her phone startled her. She rinsed the soap off one hand, dried it hastily on a towel and snatched her phone all in one quick swipe.

"Beckett," She answered breezily, cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder

"Are you in the shower?"

"Why would I answer the phone if I was in the shower?" She retorted, rolling her eyes at the hopeful way he'd asked

"Always so logical," Castle answered. Then, "You disappeared on us."

"Yeah, I was sick of doing paperwork," She answered evasively, "Did we get a case?"

"No. Apparently even the murderers have decided to take a weekend off."

"Don't say that too loud or you'll jinx us," She chided, grinning even though he couldn't see her

"Everything okay, Kate?" He queried, and his voice had taken on that tone of intimate concern that it sometimes did now

"I'm fine, Castle," She answered automatically. Then, because she knew how much he hated that answer, "Just needed to get away for awhile."

"Have you talked to Lanie?" He asked after a long pause

Kate sighed and turned off the warm water, swinging her legs over the other side of the tub so that she could dry her feet.

There it was, the ridiculously large elephant in the room that everyone kept trying to step around. The problem wasn't that she hadn't talked to Lanie: the problem was that she had gone to talk to her, and what had started out as a nice conversation had ended … badly. Lanie was still shaken from everything that had happened, but they could have dealt with that; the thing the ME couldn't seem to get past, however, was the fact that Kate had not only left her hanging for three months after the shooting, she'd also waited until she'd been back to work a few days before going to see her. In fact, her friend had only learned that she had returned to duty through and offhanded remark Ryan had made at a crime scene.

Kate hadn't been ignoring her friend, any more than she had been intentionally ignoring Castle. She'd just had some things to work through is all, and she didn't think she could do it without gaining a little distance from her life. She'd had every intention of getting a hold of Lanie right after she talked to Castle, only … she'd been too busy diving headfirst into her mother's case again.

"I called a few hours ago, but she didn't answer," Kate finally answered

"Be patient; she won't be mad forever."

"I know," She agreed, but she sounded a little dejected even to her own ears. Then, "You headed home for the night?"

"Just about. Alexis asked me to pick up dinner on my way home."

"Ah. Well have a good weekend, Castle. I'll see you on Monday."

"Hey, Kate?" He said before she could hang up

"Yeah?"

"Call if you need anything?"

He could hear the smile in her voice as she replied, "Night, Castle."

Kate tried Lanie's cell again on the drive home, but it dumped to voicemail after just a few rings. She debated on whether or not to leave a message; when the beep sounded on the other line she said, "Lanie, it's me. Call me, please." She knew better than to expect a return call, but at least her friend would know that she was making an effort.

By the time she got home, Kate's head was spinning again. Without the option of painting to relax her, Kate defaulted to her next act of comfort: a hot bath and a book.

She lit several candles as the water filled her beloved claw foot tub. She moved to her bookcase, perusing the titles that stared back at her and trying to decide what she was in the mood for. In the end she found herself reaching for her copy of Heat Rises; she'd already read it once, but she didn't care. She flipped it open to the dedication and felt her heart swell with both love and pain as her eyes roved over the words again:

_To Captain Roy Montgomery, NYPD_

_ He made a stand and taught me all I need to know _

_ About bravery and character._

Kate took a deep breath and let the words sink in again, let the memories of all they had been through in the last few months wash over her all over again. She had doubted herself moments ago when she'd pulled the book from her shelf, afraid that rereading it would only make her feel worse, but suddenly she knew that it was the only thing she was in the mood to read.

She retreated to the bathroom once more, stripping out of her clothes and leaving them in a heap in the middle of the floor. She slid under the still steaming water with an audible sigh, rolling her shoulders as the warmth worked its way into her body. This was the perfect end to her day: a hot bath, a good book, and then a night of good solid sleep.

Tomorrow was a new day, she reminded herself.

* * *

><p>Kate finished reading Heat Rises for the second time the next morning over a cup of freshly brewed coffee. The ending was still as heavy as it had been the first time, leaving her with all sorts of thoughts about how Castle had handled her stint in the hospital – especially after she'd basically kicked him out.<p>

She came to the Acknowledgements page and almost closed the book, but on a whim decided to read through them. She couldn't remember if she'd read them the first time around – she usually made it a habit to read _every _page of the Nikki Heat novels – but she figured that a once over couldn't hurt.

She was about halfway down the page when she came to her own name, staring innocently up at her off the page. She didn't remember seeing that the first time around … did she? Then again, she'd had a lot on her mind the last time she'd read Castle's latest book. Intrigued, she read:

_Detective Kate Beckett has shown me the ropes of homicide investigation, not to mention how to make sense of all the songs. _

Just like that, Kate was finding it hard to breathe all of a sudden. Her thoughts flew backward in time, to a night that felt like eons ago when she'd stood on the other side of the door to Castle's loft. He'd been wearing that silly steampunk outfit when he'd opened the door, and par for their interactions he'd skipped completely over a greeting and asked instead, "How do you know when you're in love?" To which she'd answered, "All the songs make sense", and then breezed past him into the loft.

_All the songs make sense …_

… _Not to mention how to make sense of all the songs …_

_I love you, Kate._

She worried suddenly that her heart was going to leap out of her chest right that instant and go skittering across the floor it was fluttering so wildly.

Twice now Richard Castle had told her he loved her: once, with those three little words whispered for her ears alone; and once, in a place that anyone in the world could see but would not, because he'd said it in a language only she would understand.

For all the things that Castle had shared with her, Kate suddenly felt as though she had not met him in kind. While it was true that she had revealed herself to him more than to anyone else in the last ten years, her offerings looked pale in the brilliant light that was cast by his own. She knew that he loved her, that he wanted to be with her and to have her all to himself, but had she ever given him a reason to believe that she wanted the same? She had promised herself that she would close her mother's case before she dove into a relationship with him, and she stood by that promise: she had meant it all those years ago when she'd said that she was a one and done kind of girl.

Richard Castle was her one and done, and she could not let herself ruin that by going at their relationship like she had all the others, with one foot out the door. No, she needed to be whole and at peace when she gave herself over to him, because she had absolutely no intention of coming back from them. So she would wait; she would not tell him that not only did she remember his confession of love, but that she was willingly keeping them apart until she could put her past behind her. He would probably understand her reasoning, she knew, if she took the time to explain it to him, but that did not mean that he wouldn't be hurt by it. He would not understand why she couldn't allow herself to say it back; he would not understand that if she told him she loved him she simply would not be able to keep herself from giving herself over to him. She would split herself between her crusade and her love of him, and eventually the pull of opposites that she would have created would destroy them. Kate knew that: it was one of the bigger epiphanies she had reached during those two months in her father's cabin. She knew it, yes, but she also knew that she could never adequately explain it to the man who loved her more than perhaps anyone else ever had. She would hurt him, and she simply couldn't abide that: he had suffered enough by her hand.

She was protecting him the only way she knew how: by pretending.

Pretending that she had not heard him, however, did not mean that she couldn't give back. Pretending did not mean that she could not help him chisel away at that wall, piece by tiny piece, so that he had somewhere to start. She had told him that wall was there, and he had promised that they would figure it out and that it wouldn't always be there; she had never said she wouldn't help him break it down.

After all, she didn't expect him to do all of the work by himself.

Kate had pressed the speed dial on her cell phone and was holding it to her ear without consciously making the decision to do so. She listened as it rang on the other end, hoping against hope that it wouldn't kick her to voicemail.

"Good morning, Kate," Castle answered cheerfully

"Well someone woke up on the right side of the bed today," She answered by way of greeting, smiling into her coffee cup

"You sound rather chipper yourself," He fired back

"Do I? Good. Listen … do you have any big plans today?" She asked, hoping she didn't sound as nervous as she felt

"None so far," He answered easily, "Did a body drop?"

"Actually, there's something I wanted to show you," She said enigmatically

"What, like a surprise? I love surprises!"

Kate actually laughed at that. "You sound like such a kid, Castle," She told him, but it was not a reproach.

"I will take that as a compliment. So what is this thing you want to show me?"

"Well I'm not going to tell you, that would just ruin the surprise. How about you meet me in, say, an hour and a half?"

"Deal. Meet you where?"

She gave him time to retrieve a pen and then rattled off the address easily. He read it back to her when he was done, and just before they hung up Kate remembered to warn him about the dress code.

"Oh, and Castle?"

"Yeah?"

"You might want to bring a change of clothes – preferably stuff you're not really attached to. An old t-shirt and jeans would be fine."

"How deliciously cryptic!"

She was laughing when they hung up.

* * *

><p>Castle double checked the address he'd written down against the gleaming golden numbers above the doorway. He was in the right place, but the building itself was a surprise: it was an old fire station. The exterior was red brick, clean and in good repair, and he couldn't resist smiling at the façade: it looked as if it were straight out of an old movie.<p>

The large red door was standing open when he approached, and he could hear music floating toward him through it. He hesitated a moment, unsure if he was supposed to just walk in or not, so he settled for sticking his head in the door.

"Hello?" He called

"In here, Castle," Kate called back

With a growing sense of anticipation, Castle stepped through the door and glanced around in search of his partner.

He didn't search long, however: to his right the vehicle bay stood open and empty, as if waiting for the return of the fire trucks that had once been housed within. In the middle of the empty bay, her back turned to him, Kate stood barefoot in the big empty area; she was fiddling with something he couldn't see, but he could make out the distinct rustlings of plastic sheeting.

"What is this place?" He asked, glancing at his surroundings in wonder

"My secret lair," She answered, only half joking

She turned to look at him, and Castle found that he couldn't resist a lopsided grin. She looked both casual and effortlessly beautiful in a pair of faded old blue jeans, torn at one knee and a plain black t-shirt. Her hair was pulled over one shoulder in a haphazard braid, green eyes bright and expressive as they watched him take it all in.

"Okay, Wonder Woman, is this the surprise you wanted to show me? Your 'bat cave', as it were?"

"I'll give you points for keeping it in the D.C. universe, Castle, but 'Wonder Woman' and 'Bat Cave' in the same sentence?"

"What's this? Kate Beckett, a fan of comic books?"

"I happen to love Wonder Woman, thank you very much," She retorted, smiling, "But to answer your question, no. This isn't the surprise. Did you bring a change of clothes?"

He held up the bag that he'd slung over one shoulder, but his attention was no longer on her. He'd been taking in the vehicle bay during their banter, and it had occurred to him that there was something strange about the wall across from them. Instead of the smooth white expanse of the walls surrounding it, this one looked almost … textured. Not completely unheard of, he knew, but it was enough of an anomaly to catch his attention.

"Bathroom's down the hall," Kate said, gesturing behind him, "Go change. I'll wait."

He refrained from asking questions, although he had a nice store of them just burning to be asked; she obviously had a plan in mind, and he didn't want to steal her thunder. Kate only let him peek over that wall of hers every once in awhile, and usually in small doses, so he had long ago learned to take whatever she chose to give him.

"Castle?" She called before he'd gone too far

"Yeah?"

"Don't bother with socks and shoes."

His confusion must have shown on his face then, because Kate's grin turned into a throaty laugh and she turned back to whatever she had been doing before he'd interrupted her.

When he reemerged from the bathroom a few minutes later, the music had changed. The relaxed beat had changed into something with a quicker, lighter tempo and Castle found himself unexpectedly excited. This was not what he'd been expecting when she'd called him earlier.

"Alright, dress code complied with," He told her happily as he reentered the bay

"Great. Now grab those balloons over there and come help me."

"Balloons?" He repeated

Kate was reaching up to attach a balloon to the far wall when he came to stand next to her, box of balloons in hand. She had made steady progress in the little time it had taken him to change; he set the box between them and reached for a balloon, laughing at the way it unexpectedly squished in his hand.

"They're full of paint!" He exclaimed in delight

Kate said nothing, just grinned at him and continued to affix them to the wall. He set out to help her and quickly realized that the texture he had been seeing was not the wall itself, but a great blank expanse of canvas set against the wall. Between the two of them, they had the remainder of balloons hanging against the canvas in record time; Kate grabbed the box and they padded back to what Castle now realized was a laptop computer, safely encased in a plastic housing.

"Here, hold this," Kate said then, holding out one end of a giant roll of paper

He took it and watched as she backpedaled across the floor toward the wall, the giant sheet of thick white paper unrolling between them as she did so. When she had reached the wall, she set her end down and placed a heavy paperweight in each corner, then motioned for him to do the same. When she was satisfied that the paper was held firmly in place and flush against the bottom of the wall, she made her way back to him.

"Ready to create a masterpiece, Mr. Castle?" She asked playfully, holding out a hand full of darts

"Absolutely, Ms. Beckett."

She had chosen an array of wild and bright colors this time, and as her dart pierced the first balloon a ribbon of neon pink split the air. Next to her, Castle's dart smashed into one of the balloons at the top and released a fountain of emerald green. His easy laughter bounced around the empty vehicle bay and took root in her heart, bringing an answering laugh from her.

The air was full of laughter and darts and music then, the mixture of easy companionship and innocent joy doing wonders for Kate's state of mind. For the first time in a long time, she was more of the woman she'd been before the loss of her mother had erected that stupid wall: she was young and carefree and _alive_ and it was such a wonderful feeling.

"Gimme your darts!" Castle said then, grinning

"What? No! You have to go get yours from the wall!" She retorted

She tossed her last one just before he could reach for it, grinning in the face of his mock pout. She started across the floor, Castle close behind her; he stopped as they came to the puddles of paint, looking as though he were trying to find a way around them. Grinning slyly, Kate pushed him straight into the middle of one. Just as he was turning to glare at her she hopped the last few inches and landed square in the midst of another puddle. A spray of paint leapt off the paper and splattered their pants.

"C'mon, Castle, grab your darts!"

Castle watched in childlike delight as their trek back left a trail of painted footprints in their wake; Kate wandered back in a lazy arc and Castle took her cue, crossing behind her so that their footprints interlaced.

Hours must have passed. By the time the last balloon was popped, both the canvas on the wall and the paper beneath them were covered in layers of bright colors; their clothes were splattered several times over, and when Castle pointed out that Kate had a streak of bright purple paint on one cheek she laughed and told him that his hair was a speckled rainbow.

"Is this where you've been disappearing to?" He asked her as they were cleaning up

She nodded. "It helps clear my mind."

"What gave you the idea?"

Kate's smile was tender when she answered, "My mom and I used to paint together. You'd never guess it now, but I used to be quite the artist, Castle."

"That's not hard to believe," He answered, smiling in return, "You look like you belong on a Paris balcony, sipping cappuccino in front of an easel."

"How Bohemian," She said, laughing, "I'll have to remember that if I ever make it to Paris."

"I'd take you," He said softly, cerulean eyes wide and honest

Kate felt her breath hitch in her throat. He really meant it, she knew, and for just a second she let herself picture the two of them half a world away. She wanted to say, "I'd let you", but that would be taking her too close to that edge she'd sworn that she wouldn't jump over yet.

"I know," She said instead, her voice just as soft, "But until then, the firehouse will have to work."

"Do you own this place or what?" He asked then, changing gears easily

"No, just rent it."

"You rent a fire station and you're apartment? Isn't that expensive?"

"It definitely took some adjusting of the finances, but I manage."

He helped her stretch the footprint painting into a thin wooden frame, and when both that and the canvas painting were set against the wall to dry he stood back to admire their work. The balloons had created a wonderfully abstract tangle of bright colors, pink and purple and green and a myriad of others that splashed across the canvas. He was biased, yes, but he didn't have a hard time imagining it hanging on the wall of some ritzy art gallery somewhere.

Despite his affection for the painting the balloons had created, Castle's favorite was the other one: their many colored footprints, twisting and arcing carelessly across the heavy paper. Kate's tiny feet and his larger ones filled the entire paper, shapeless in some spots because they'd walked over each other and perfectly formed in others.

"What are you going to do with them?" He asked then, clearing his throat over the sudden emotion that tried to constrict it

"Leave them to dry for now, and put them with the rest later."

"The rest?" He repeated, arching a brow at her, "There are more?"

Kate nodded, smiling a little. "Would you like to see them?"

"Absolutely."

"Come on."

Still barefoot, he followed Kate down the hallway and past the bathroom. She lead him to what he assumed had once been some sort of office, although it no longer had any furniture to suggest the purpose it had once served. Instead, a number of canvases in varying sizes leaned against one wall: he was surprised at how many of them there were. He had stopped just inside the doorway, but Kate had continued across the room and was now pulling some of the paintings away from the stack, leaning them carefully against bare spots on the wall so that he could see them.

Castle was completely awed. _Quite the artist_ was a gross understatement, almost grotesque in its completely inadequate description of Kate's obvious talent. Many of them were abstract, no doubt made the same way they'd just made the one in the other room, but there were also smaller ones that were actual paintings: landscapes, birds, even animals adorned the more traditionally sized ones.

As he stood there, taking it all in, a pattern revealed itself to him: the majority of the animals were elephants. One was a stunning portrait of a baby elephant, huge ears adorably unfurled, done all in shades of purple and grey. He was about to mark that one down as his favorite when his eyes found the last one in line, easily the largest of any of the other animal ones. Muted shades of blue and black and purple were splashed across it in a way that he now knew meant she'd used balloons, but in the midst of all the color she had left thick strokes of unmarred white canvas. At first glance they looked almost random, but when he stopped focusing on the blend of colors he saw exactly what it was: an elephant. She had created a portrait of an elephant by painting everything except the animal, and it was perhaps the most beautiful painting he'd ever seen.

"These are … extraordinary, Kate," He finally managed to murmur, "You could sell these to a gallery!"

"I don't know about that," She answered modestly, coming to stand next to him, "But I'm glad you like them."

"I can't decide which one I like more, the negative space elephant or our footprints," He told her offhandedly, still studying the former

He was staring at the vast array of elephants before him when his mind suddenly called forth an image of her desk at the precinct, where she had several figurines of elephants spread out across the space. He had never really paid them much attention, assuming – wrongly, it would seem – that they were just something to take away from the uniformity of it.

"Why elephants?" He asked suddenly, glancing over at her

"I don't know, actually. I've always loved them; guess it just stuck with me."

They stood in companionable silence for a few minutes then, their shoulders just barely touching as they were lost in their respective musings.

"Kate?" He said softly

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. For sharing this with me," He elaborated when she looked at him questioningly

"Thank you for being here," She answered, bumping his shoulder with her own, "Now what do you say we go get some lunch?"

"I say that is a fantastic idea," He replied brightly, "Remy's?"

"Remy's," She confirmed


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note: You guys are so fantastic! Thank you for the awesome response to this. So, first let me give the heads up that there has been quite a time jump from the last chapter to this one. Just so you know. Also, this is the last chapter I have planned for this. I'm leaving it open ended in case another idea for it strikes me, but as of now I am all run out for this one. I *really* need to work on finishing the other two I have in progress ... anyway, thanks guys, and I hope you like it!_**

* * *

><p>Everywhere she looked Castle's loft had been strung with Christmas decorations: mistletoe had been hung sporadically throughout the area, right along with tinsel and stockings and a wide assortment of other festive things. The tree was tucked safely into the corner by the window, and Kate had been delightfully surprised to find that it was real pine when she went to put her gifts under it. The whole atmosphere in the loft was warm and inviting, and she grinned to herself as she gazed out at the jumble of familiar faces. Ryan and Jenny were cradling glasses of eggnog as they conversed with Martha over she could only guess what; Lanie and Esposito were talking softly and grinning to each other over the stockings hanging against one wall. Castle was immersed in conversation with Ashley's parents, although Ashley himself was on the other side of the room taking goofy pictures with Alexis. Even her father was around somewhere, although she couldn't find him right at that moment; he had been talking with Martha not long ago, and she was privately glad to see that the two of them seemed to get along well.<p>

Kate's heart swelled with love for the people around her, and not for the first time that year she was grateful that whatever powers that be had decided that she should get to stick around for this. For all the things that she had lost in her life, Kate had perhaps never been more aware of all the things that she had gained: friendship, love, loyalty … she belonged with these people. She was exactly where she was supposed to be.

"You alright, girl?"

Lanie's voice drew her from her thoughts. She grinned at her friend and nodded, motioning to the room in general as she did so.

"Just taking it all in," She explained

"Castle sure knows how to throw a party," Lanie quipped appreciatively, "But I bet the clean up is gonna suck."

Kate laughed and agreed. Castle had invited her over to help decorate, and she had agreed only after he'd agreed to let her help clean it up afterward. They had made an afternoon of it, Ashley and Kate and the three Castles. Well, Castle and Ashley had been in charge of hanging the decorations while the three women decorated and personalized the stockings; Kate had suggested that the couples could share one, but Castle would not hear of it. Every one of them had their own personal stocking, including Jenny, her father, and both of Ashley's parents. She had teased him for it at the time, and only later admitted to him that she thought it was a very sweet gesture.

Lanie had apparently disappeared while Kate was lost in the memory, because the other woman suddenly reappeared with a second glass of eggnog. She handed it wordlessly to her friend, and when Kate took it they clinked their glasses gently in toast. When Lanie brought her glass down again, the light overhead caught in the diamond of her ring and sent a shiver of prisms into the air.

"I still can't believe he proposed," She said then

"Best early Christmas present ever," Lanie answered, and they both grinned and glanced over at Esposito, who was now engrossed in conversation with his partner

"He must have been saving for a long time to afford that rock," Kate quipped, eyeing the ring in mock indignation

Her best friend laughed and wiggled her fingers happily, sending up another spray of tiny prisms. Kate had been the first person Lanie had called, and they'd done their fair share of excited teenage squealing over the phone. Kate had teased both of them the next day at work, and from time to time when she caught Lanie gazing lovingly down at her hand she'd throw a good natured jibe at her.

"It's a good thing I have strong hands," Lanie shot back, and they laughed

"Hey, Castle!" Esposito called then

"Yeah?" The writer responded, turning to face the other man

"You gonna feed us or what, bro?"

"From the looks of that belly, you don't need any more food!" Ryan said before Castle could answer, "What are you feeding this man, Lanie?"

The laughter danced off the walls, and Kate absorbed the sound as she watched Lanie cross the room to her fiancé. Ryan and Esposito had fallen into a mock argument again, and Kate made a mental note to remind Lanie that even though she was soon going to be his real wife, Ryan would always be Esposito's "work wife".

"Point taken," She heard Castle saying on the tail end of a chuckle, "After you, Esplanie."

"Esplanie?" Several voices chorused at once

"Yeah, that's how Kate and I have decided to refer to both of you," Castle answered, grinning

"Whoa now, hold on just a minute," Kate retorted quickly, "Don't bring me into this. I never agreed to anything."

"Sure you didn't," Esposito said disbelievingly

"Mmhmm," Lanie murmured simultaneously

They migrated to the long table set up for the dinner feast as one big jumble of laughter and taunts. No one had bothered with seating arrangements, and Kate watched with quiet fascination as the seats filled. Martha and Jim had the seats of honor at either end of the table, and from there everyone just seemed to fall into place. Ashley and his parents sat in a row on one side, Alexis seated exactly across from them. Lanie and Esposito naturally sat next to one another, and Kate noticed that they were directly opposite Ryan and Jenny. Jenny and Lanie had never really hit it off with one another, but they were at least civil to one another when a situation called for them to be around each other, which Kate was thankful for.

For her part, Kate surpassed the table completely and joined Castle in the kitchen. She had insisted on helping him serve the food, and although she had not intended for it to work out that way her heart gave a flutter of delight when she realized that it was perhaps the first moment they'd had in private all night.

"What do you want put out first?" She asked

"I will leave that decision in your more than capable hands," He answered, which earned him a glare

She hadn't realized they'd made as much food as they had, but as both she and Castle bustled back and forth between the kitchen and the dining table with various platters she wondered if perhaps they hadn't made a little _too _much food.

Finally all they had left was the turkey and the ham – "Turkey _and_ ham, Castle?" She'd protested when he told her of his plans – and Castle gave her a sigh and mocked drawing a hand across his brow. She grinned and stepped toward the ham, her shoulder brushing his as he stepped toward the turkey.

"Have I told you yet how beautiful you look?" He said so only she could hear

"You don't look so bad yourself, Castle," She answered, smiling shyly

Her reply had been both a compliment and a jest. She had chosen a deep green French Terry top that bared both shoulders and a pair of pale blue jeans that tucked perfectly into her favorite pair of black knee high boots. She'd taken a long time picking out her outfit that day, privately worrying that she would be a tad underdressed. Her worry had been quickly forgotten, however, when she'd knocked on Castle's door and he'd opened it: the button up shirt he'd chosen was very nearly the exact shade of green as her own, although he had paired it with a dark, distressed pair of jeans. She'd made a quip about how they were starting to dress alike now, and then promptly forgotten all about her fear of being underdressed.

"Lead the way, Wonder Woman," He told her, waggling his eyebrows

Kate laughed and took the wide silver platter in hand. The table was alive with conversation, but it quickly turned into exclamations of surprise and appreciation as first the ham and then the turkey were deposited on the table.

"I'm surprised there's room on the table for plates!" Jim laughed

"You can thank your daughter for that," Martha answered from her spot down the table, "She cooks like it's going out of style!"

"Well to be fair, Dad was absolutely adamant that we needed both ham and turkey," Alexis interjected

"And this doesn't even include dessert," Kate muttered dryly

"Dig in, everyone!" Castle exclaimed then

Whether by accident or by a conscious effort on the part of their friends, both seats to the left of Alexis had been left vacant. Castle took the one nearest his daughter, and Kate tried not to grin when she realized that her spot was between Castle on her right and Lanie on her left. Accident or not, she was supremely pleased with the arrangement.

Much like the hours preceding it, dinner was a study in companionship and warmth. Laughter and joviality were in abundance, and Kate found herself bouncing from conversation to conversation in an exhaustive attempt to keep up with them all. She was fairly certain that she hadn't laughed so much or simultaneously held so many conversations since college; she was relearning what exactly it meant to multi-task.

She noticed that the wine bottles were low about halfway through the meal; the act of pushing back her chair must have caught Castle's attention away from his conversation with Ashley's parents because he made as if to move. Out of reflex she dropped a hand onto his thigh to still his movements.

"Keep talking," She told him easily, "I'm just getting more wine."

"Thanks," He replied warmly

She chose a red and a white wine this time, rather than two reds like they had started with. She popped both corks and then set them back in with a little hand pressure so that they wouldn't go flat while the conversations carried on. Bottles in hand, she was just making her way back to the table when an errant thought came to mind and stopped her in her tracks: she wanted every holiday to be just like this. She wanted every Christmas to look exactly as this one did, a table full of friends and family … and Castle at her side. A lifetime of holiday Hallmark cards brought to life with the man she loved and the family they had made together.

She wanted this to last the rest of her days, no matter how few or how many they were. She wanted to make too much food and argue over whether or not they really needed both ham and turkey and make silly stockings with Alexis while the boys tried to hang decorations.

Kate blinked against the welling of tears that had come unbidden to her eyes, and when her vision had cleared again she found Castle's eyes on her. Their gazes locked for what felt like an eternity, and she smiled warmly to reassure him that everything was all right. He smiled in answer; she took a quiet breath, blinked a few more times to make sure the excess moisture was gone from her eyes and returned to her spot at the table.

By the time they gravitated back towards the brightly lit tree the food and the wine had worked their magic: everywhere she looked Kate saw faces that were both relaxed and flushed. The gaiety, ever present even as the night drew on, was more subdued now. Outside the window, night had fallen over the city and provided the perfect backdrop for the twinkling tree lights. Someone – Kate was putting her money on Martha – had made the command decision to dim the lights in the loft so that the rooms were bathed in a soft amber glow.

They had seated themselves in a semicircle on the floor in front of the tree, and Kate made a seat for herself next to her dad. She looped one arm comfortably through his and laid her head on his shoulder, smiling when he pressed a kiss to her hair. Castle had busied himself with the passing out of the presents, an undertaking that was made easier by the fact that they had very efficiently made separate piles for each person.

"Thank you for coming, Dad," She said softly as she watched her partner's progress

"Nowhere else I'd rather be, bug," He answered, using his childhood moniker for her, "You looked really happy tonight."

"I am," She said simply

"Don't wait on me, guys," Castle told them then, "Open 'em if you got 'em!"

The sound of wrapping paper as it was ripped from packages filled the air then, joined by exclamations of surprise and wonder not long after. For a time everyone forgot about each other as they focused on the boxes in front of them; only Kate held back. She waited until Castle was finished handing them out and had sat himself down with his own pile; he seemed to know that she was waiting for him, and he flashed a winning smile at her from across the gap that spanned between them.

They tore into their piles in unison.

Choruses of "Thank you!" and "This is great!" and the likes danced through the air around them. Alexis, who had made quick work of her own presents, had stood and was now moving around with a camera; she was wearing several new accessories, among them a wild purple and blue stocking cap with a faux Mohawk.

"You're painting again."

The emotion in her father's voice drew her attention as surely as his words: she turned to find him holding the painting she'd done for him. One of the smaller canvases, she'd painted one of her mother's favorite birds: a swan. Two of them actually, one black and one white, against a backdrop of pale blue. One was swimming, one drawn up to take flight with both wings outstretched; between them, a single red ribbon that said "Johanna" in flowing black letters.

"It's beautiful, Katie," Jim said, pulling her to him with one arm and planting a kiss on her forehead, "Your mom would love it. It's about time you started up again."

"I'm glad you like it, Dad."

Kate got to her last present – she had saved Castle's for last – and paused to see where Castle was in his pile. He'd just finished opening his last one: a photo of the four of them, complete with Roy as their fifth, that had obviously been taken at the Old Haunt. The word "Writer" was engraved across the top of a sterling silver frame, "Pain In The Ass" engraved across the bottom. She didn't have to ask to know that it came from Ryan and Jenny – she had received the same photo in a similar frame, although hers had been engraved with a humorous "Slave Driver" across the top.

Seeing that he had finished with the presents that had been set underneath the tree, Kate put her last present to the side and stood.

"You've got one more coming your way, Castle," She told him slyly, "Well, two actually, but they wouldn't fit under the tree."

"That sounds promising," He answered, grinning, "Where exactly are they hiding if not under the tree?"

"In plain sight, of course," She boasted proudly, reaching _behind_ the tree

"How did you put them there without me knowing?" He queried, standing as well

"With a little help from some co-conspirators," She replied evasively, but the look he shot his mother and daughter told her she wasn't fooling him

He probably should have been able to guess what they were just from the size of the wrappings alone, but he'd already had several glasses of wine and, besides, it had been so many months ago …

The first one he unveiled – because they were really more _covered_ rather than they were _wrapped – _caught him by surprise. He was greeted by the painting he'd seen all those months ago, the portrait of the elephant that had been created out of negative space. He'd forgotten how large it was, and how perfectly the colors seemed to flow from blue to black to purple and back again. Behind him, their friends were praising Kate's talent and remarking on how absolutely stunning it was, but Castle was not paying attention to them. He remembered the day they'd spent painting together in the old firehouse – had thought about it often, in fact – but he had never expected this.

Understanding dawned on him then. He glanced from the massive painting in front of him to the veiled one beside it and suddenly knew exactly what it was. Slightly smaller, yes, but no less beloved to him. He was holding his breath as he pulled the wrapping off the second one, and, sure enough, the sight of hundreds of painted footprints greeted him. Kate's tiny ones, and his larger ones scattered all over the paper in lazy swirls of color; he felt as if he were seeing it again for the first time, even as the memory played back on an endless silent loop in his mind. His eyes roamed over the painting, taking in the heavier spots where they'd literally stepped into one another's footsteps, and as his eyes got to the bottom of the picture he saw something he hadn't before. In one corner, the grouping of prints was tighter and smaller. He focused on those prints, colored only in alternating shades of purple and green, and just as he realized what they were he felt certain his heart had stopped beating. It was a word.

Always.

Kate had spelled out the word "Always" in her tiny painted footprints.

"Kate," He managed to choke out, but could not say more

"You said you couldn't choose," She said quietly, and he was surprised at how close she was now, "Now you don't have to."

When he finally managed to tear his eyes away from the paintings, he only dimly registered that their friends seemed to have found ways to busy themselves in different rooms. That didn't matter to him, though; all that mattered was the woman who stood just a hair's breadth behind him, green eyes watching the play of emotions across his face. He wanted to reach for her, but would not allow himself to lift even a finger in her direction because he knew that if he did he would not be able to keep from crushing his lips to hers. He was too unguarded at that moment to trust himself not to cross that invisible line between them; his heart and his nerves too raw to listen to whatever logic his mind would try to throw at him. In fact, the urge to pull her to him at that very moment was almost overwhelming in its intensity.

"I think we must be on the same brain wave or something," He said to distract himself, "Have you opened my gift yet?"

"I wanted to wait until you opened yours," She replied

"Ah. Well, by all means, Kate, it's your turn."

Something about the way he said it, not quite teasing but almost uncertain in a way, made her stomach somersault. She retrieved the medium sized package from where she had left it on the floor and came back to stand with him; he angled himself away from his painting so that they were standing face to face. She tried not to think about the way he was looking at her as she peeled the red and green wrapping away from the treasure inside.

When she pulled the box top away, she caught her breath in an inaudible gasp. Cushioned against black velvet padding was the most beautiful blown glass elephant she'd ever seen: when she pulled it gingerly from its home, she saw that streaks of purple and blue swirled around the legs and most of the body. The figurine was heavy and well crafted and _big_, bigger than she had thought at first glance. She felt herself smiling as she turned it over in her hand, admiring the play of colors against the glass.

A flutter of paper drew her attention away from the elephant, and when Kate looked back into the box she noticed an envelope that had initially escaped her attention. She glanced quickly up at Castle, but he had an almost completely alien look on his face. She didn't know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing.

Very carefully, she pulled the envelope out of the box and placed the elephant back inside it, then set it gently on the ground to the side of where she stood. The envelope itself was thick and unmarked, regular letter sized so obviously not meant for a holiday card.

What on Earth? …

A packet of paper, folded into thirds. She willed her hands to quit shaking as she unfolded them, half excited and half terrified to find out what they were.

The first thing she saw, nestled in the crook of one of the folds, was a check made out in her name.

_Pay To The Order Of Kate Beckett… $12,000 dollars and …_

"Rick?" She questioned, voice wavering

"It's every penny of the rent you've paid for the firehouse over the last six months," He explained softly, "And the deed to the firehouse itself."

Her eyes snapped to his in bewildered confusion. The rent and the deed for the firehouse? She didn't understand … he couldn't? … He didn't? …

"I bought it. The firehouse, I mean."

"When?" She managed to murmur, although she was finding it increasingly hard to breathe

"The week after you showed it to me."

"But … I don't understand, how did you … the account stayed the same, I didn't get a notice saying that the property had been sold. The routing number didn't change."

"It didn't need to. It was a business account, attached to the property rather than to the private owner; when I bought it, both the deed and the account transferred into my name. I wanted to surprise you, so I just let the rent build up."

"You bought the firehouse," She restated, still disbelieving

"Look at the property deed," He advised

She did, only to find that under the block listed as "Owners Information", her name alone stared back at her. Her name, her address and phone number …

"Rick," She started, unable to restrain the tear that tracked a slow path down one cheek or keep the thickness of those to come out of her voice, "My Christmas present is the firehouse?"

"You own it, Kate, free and clear. And before you go and lecture me on how you're an independent woman and you don't need …"

Katherine Beckett had always heard the turn of phrase "to throw yourself at someone", but never before had she stopped to consider the idea of literally throwing yourself at another person.

Which was exactly what she had done.

He barely had enough time to pronounce the last consonant on "need" when Kate – quite literally – crashed into him. One moment he was heading off the argument he hadn't given her a chance to make, and the next his lips were pressed firmly against hers.

That was all the encouragement he needed.

Years of passion - denied, withheld, and ignored – exploded between them with unrivaled force. Pulses racing, hearts thundering against one another like dueling tympani drums, Kate Beckett and Richard Castle were in a race to see who could kiss the other one senseless in the shortest amount of time.

A race that was oh so rudely interrupted by the clearing of someone's throat.

Kate could not tell if she was blushing furiously or just exceedingly flushed from what she would ever after consider the most passionate kiss of her life; either way, she tried to discreetly suck in huge gulps of air to calm herself whilst meanwhile turning her attention to their intruder.

Or, intruder_s_, as it happened.

Esposito's eyebrows looked like they were about to disappear into his hairline they had arched so high; beside him, both arms crossed over his chest, Ryan's eyebrows had drawn together in that look he sometimes got when he was having a hard time believing something.

"Uh, hate to interrupt," Esposito began

"Although if you hadn't Castle would probably be dead from lack of oxygen by now," Ryan interjected in a not so quiet tone. Then, to the writer, "Dude, Castle, _breathe_."

"Guys," Kate prodded

"Gates just called. We got a body."

"But … it's Christmas," Castle retorted, hoping they didn't notice his difficulty with forming words

"Yeah, well, apparently our dead guy is the son of some hot shot Senator," Ryan said, "Gates didn't want to give the press time to jump on it before we did."

"We'll, uh, go tell everyone," Esposito blundered, clearing his throat

"Try not to suffocate the man, Beckett," Ryan tossed over his shoulder as they turned away

Kate was grinning when she turned her attention back to Castle. He looked somewhat shell shocked, which made her grin widen of its own accord. They were still standing almost against one another and she could feel the somewhat calmed beat of his heart under that of her own.

"Well, I'll say this for her," He quipped, "Gates knows how to ruin a moment."

Kate laughed and pressed a lighter, quicker kiss against his lips before extricating herself from the tangle of limbs that they had become.

"We have a lot to talk about," She said seriously, her tone warm, "But it'll have to wait."

"You would think Christmas would be some kind of safe zone," He teased, switching gears in that easy way he seemed to have adopted

The subtext was there, beneath his light tone and his suddenly business like demeanor. She could see it in the way his eyes were flashing at her: they had several very long conversations ahead of them, but for now he would follow her lead and slip on the work façade. The kisses, the talks, all of it would have to wait, but wait it would.

Well, everything except …

"Rick?" She ventured

He had taken a few steps away from her toward the other room, but her voice drew him up short. He half turned in her direction to signal that she had his attention, but she did not continue right away.

Instead, she closed the small gap between them, one corner of her mouth turning up in a quirky, teasing smile. Quick as a hummingbird, she kissed him once more for good measure.

"I love you."

Kate beamed in the face of her partner's suddenly slack jawed expression, chuckled quietly to herself, and then turned and sauntered back to their waiting family.


End file.
